Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
