and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
