like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
