hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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