My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize