I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
