thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
