haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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