Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize