She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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