the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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