i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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