I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
