I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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