Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This is classic penis vs brain.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
