I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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