And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
