Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
