She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
