I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
