I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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