Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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