I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
