White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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