i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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