I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
