What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
