Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
