the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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