We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
