i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
