Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
