Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
