It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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