I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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