I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
