I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
the liver wants what the liver wants
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
