writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
