The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
