is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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