I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm both gender and math confused
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
