can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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