yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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