If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
