i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
