Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
