hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
