They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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