90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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