I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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