I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
