I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the night ended with taco bell and tears
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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