Betty ford says i'm here all night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
