I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
