Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
