so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
