Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
